Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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