I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
