I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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