Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
