i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
