Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
