im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
