It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize