Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
