All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it hurts more in the daytime
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
