ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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