Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
