She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
