Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
