So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
