something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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