im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
