I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
