If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
