Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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