seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
