Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
