you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you never un-have a 4some
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
