At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
