I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
