What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize