OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
