I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
