he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
