we're chasing vodka with high fives
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
