i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
