I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
