So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
