I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
