Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
