i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize