I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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