If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
