they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This baby is an asshole
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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