she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
