dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
