Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
