Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
