would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
