i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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