D3 body, D1 cock
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
