; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
