first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize