Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Boobs are out for the taking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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