my sisters under your porch take her home
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
