the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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