whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize