i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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