Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My friends, they love my intelligence
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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