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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
