we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
