I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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