my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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