I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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