How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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