Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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