she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
