just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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