Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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