dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
