now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
