I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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