omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
