i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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