Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
