At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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