everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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