I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
