I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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