He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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