is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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