I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
