Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
