im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
