you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
