Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
