i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When are your genitals available?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
